


home

by iamwooing (sungwoontrash)



Category: AB6IX (Band), MXM (Band)
Genre: Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 19:39:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19752478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sungwoontrash/pseuds/iamwooing
Summary: donghyun already left and youngmin had to go too.





	home

**Author's Note:**

> hi~ this is my first dongpaca au so I hope you'll like it!!!

“Hey, isn’t it your 5th year anniversary today?” Woojin popped the question out of nowhere. Woong looked up before shoving himself with his favourite pasta. Daehwi slowly raised his eyebrows as he sipped his cola. But neither of the subjects of the question were answering, neither of them showed interest, “Aren’t you gonna celebrate? You love celebrating your anniversaries, right?”

“God, I can remember how bad they prepared surprises for each other in the past years of their relationship. Now look at them now—“ Daehwi pointed at two with his lips, “—they didn’t even care anymore.”

Youngmin just gave them his usual shy smile while Donghyun just laughed it out. Yes, indeed, it was their 5th year anniversary today. It was very unusual as it seems, for their friends, but not for them. At some point, they both knew that time would come and they would stop celebrating anniversaries. The time has come, and it’s their 5th anniversary. And neither of them was planning something for it. Not like they used to, not like how they used to.

“Who says you need to celebrate anniversaries?” Donghyun pointed out, asking their friends, “It’s not like we’ll run out of the years, or something, right?” He said, almost convincing himself, but somehow their friends weren’t convinced.

“Donghyun is right,” Youngmin gave out his sweetest smile. But Daehwi figured out how it didn’t even reach his eyes, like they used to, and it broke his heart. Daehwi knew there were something about them but still, he wanted to hear it from them. But it looked like the couple didn’t have any plans to tell them, nor fix the mess between them, “I guess we’ll celebrate it on our 10th anniversary.”

Youngmin wasn’t even sure if the day would come and they would reach their 10th year anniversary. Still, he doesn’t want to think about it. Their relationship was sinking, yet, they just stood there, watching all of its parts fall apart.

“You know you can tell us everything, right?” Woong said, reaching for both of their hands above the dining table, “What’s the use of our friendship if you won’t tell us what’s happening?” Daehwi was glad Woong opened it up. He was that itched to know, but since he was the youngest, he felt like he didn’t have the right to be nosy about their relationship.

“Nothing’s wrong, hyung,” Donghyun laughed, a little awkward, that made the three look at him intently, “C’mon, guys. Youngmin hyung and I—we’re good. Really, you don’t have to worry about us,” For the second time, he tried to assure them. Woojin looked at Youngmin for assurance, and the oldest knew that if he were to lie, Woojin was the first one who won’t believe him. But this time, he nodded at him, as if he wasn’t lying.

“If Donghyun says we’re good, and then we are really good,” Youngmin tried to convince them, yet, Woojin looked at him too keenly, “You know, Donghyun doesn’t know how to tell a lie, right?” He added, with a little laugh in the end to lighten up the mood.

“Well, obviously,” Woong rested his back on his chair, and crossed his arms over his chest. He glanced towards Donghyun, who was also nervously looking at him, “He just did,” Woong uttered, making Donghyun looked down and played with his fingers, “But I guess, as of now, we just have to believe in both of you. I just hope everything is going well.”

“I think we should get going,” Daehwi butted in, trying to stop the conversation before it turned into something else. He knew it was all heated up and he didn’t want them to add fuel to the couple’s already burnt out relationship, “Thank you for the meal, hyungs. You should celebrate your anniversary now, maybe, watch a movie together or something?”

“Yes, we will,” Youngmin said, standing up from his seat. Donghyun followed after and started to clean up the dishes they used for their dinner. Their friends all went towards the door and said their good byes but Woojin stayed, “Woojin, really, you should go now.”

“I know you, hyung,” Woojin looked at him, before he glanced at Donghyun, who was busy with the dishes, “Is he still doing _that?_ ” Woojin asked, his eyebrows rose at his hyung. Youngmin slowly nodded at him, and swear he saw how the younger rolled his eyes at him, “And you’re letting him do that to you?”

“C’mon, he can hear you,” Youngmin tried to hush his friend, as he glanced at Donghyun who was still focused on his chores. Woojin looked at him in disbelief and Youngmin knew he was that dumb, but what he can do? “I don’t have any choice, Woojin. I need to let him do that or else—“

“—or else he would leave you?” Woojin didn’t even try to filter his mouth and dropped his question, “Then fuckin’ let him. If that’s what he want in the first place, if he didn’t even love you anymore, then what’s the point of wanting him to stay? He clearly doesn’t have any reasons, so just let him be.”

Youngmin wished it was the easy. If it was that easy, maybe he had let him go already. But it will never be easy, it will never be easy to let go, “But I love him, Woojin. I love him so much,” Youngmin answered, almost inaudible for the younger to hear.

“Loving him too much will only hurt you too much,” Woojin said before he left the apartment of his hyungs. Youngmin stood there, in front of the door, and somehow his knees grew weaker as he understood what Woojin wanted him to do, and that was to let Donghyun go.

\--

“I’ll go now,” Donghyun came out from his room, all dressed up early in the morning. Youngmin looked back at him, a bowl on his right arms, as he whisked the pancake mix. Donghyun caught what he was doing, his chest ache a little, as his long-time boyfriend still continued to do all the things he used to do, “You don’t have to prepare breakfast for me all the time. I can eat some while at work,” He said, moving towards the dining table where the coffee was served.

Youngmin knew about it. Donghyun won’t even eat anything he would cook for him. He used to; perhaps, Youngmin hoped he will still do. But now, Donghyun didn’t even bother to taste a spoon of what he cooked for him every single day, “I could cook one or two pancakes and I’ll pack it on a tupperware so you could bring it along with you. This will be cooked in 3 minutes or so—“

“I’m eating breakfast with him, hyung,” Donghyun cut his sentence off. Youngmin’s arms hung in the air, as he was trying to pour the mix into the pan, “I’m sorry about that. We’ll have our business meeting, anyways, so we decided to grab some breakfast before going to the office,” He explained, putting down the cup of coffee on the table.

Youngmin turned his back at him and still poured the pancake mix into the pan, “Oh—yeah sure. I could just, uhm, give these to the kids. I’m sure Daehwi would love free breakfast, right?” He said, laughing as he flipped his perfectly done pancakes. He turned around to get the plate and there he caught the glance of Donghyun, who was only staring at him, “Aren’t you gonna go ahead? You guys will be late. Did you told him to pick you up? He should pick you up, you know you didn’t like commuting—“

“He’s coming, hyung. Don’t worry,” Donghyun gave him assurance and the older just nodded his head subtly. Youngmin put the cooked pancakes neatly on the plate before he turned around and cooked another one, “Hyung,” Donghyun called out and Youngmin hummed in response, “Are we gonna…continue being like this?”

That question made Youngmin stopped right on his tracks, “I’ll stop cooking breakfast for you, if that’s what you mean by that,” Youngmin tried to shrug the real topic and acted like his fingers weren’t shivering as he held the spatula.

“You know that’s know what I mean, right? We’ve been like this for almost a year now. I’ve figured, maybe, this set-up somehow suffocates you. So I’m asking you if we’re gonna continue being like this—“ Donghyun stood there, waiting for the older to look at him, but he knew Youngmin was too soft so he wouldn’t.

But he did. Youngmin turned around and looked at him. Youngmin didn’t even try to hide the pain in his eyes, “Why, Donghyun? Am I suffocating you? Am I stopping you from being with him?” Youngmin asked him, slowly and surely, like how he always talked to him.

“No, hyung. You know you don’t,” Donghyun shook his head and looked straight in the older’s eyes, “You aren’t suffocating me, but I am suffocating you. This set-up didn’t do any good for the both of us. I felt like I was just torturing you, I felt I was torturing you for being with him all the time. And you know I can’t hurt you, right?” Donghyun walked slowly towards Youngmin and the older just stood on his position with a spatula on his hand, “And I hate myself because I am doing that to you now and you are just letting me.”

“Because I love you,” Youngmin blurted out without even hearing the rest of what Donghyun had to say, “I love you, Donghyun. That’s why I am letting you be with him, even if it means I am letting him have you. Because he makes you happy, and that’s something I couldn’t do and happiness is something I couldn’t give.”

Donghyun didn’t even bother to answer. He just stared at his old lover and roamed his eyes around the same person he fall in love years ago, but somehow that person was missing. Youngmin used to be cheerful, delighted and always smiling, but now, he couldn’t even bring himself to smile earnestly. And it hurt him, to be the reason why he was like that. Donghyun knew he was to blame, yet, he couldn’t even blame himself for falling out of love.

Youngmin stepped towards Donghyun and reached for the younger’s forehead, before he slowly planted a soft kiss on it. Donghyun felt how the older was trembling real hard as he held his face, “Donghan must be waiting downstairs, Donghyun. You should get going now,” Youngmin said, trying to wipe away the tear from his cheek.

And just like that Donghyun left him, like he always does. But Youngmin knew he would come back every single day, because he was his home.

\--

“Really,” Daehwi reacted after he saw a bunch of pancakes on the table. Woong came out of the kitchen with two cups of coffee on his hands, while Woojin followed him with two glasses of milk, which was obviously for the two babies, “You don’t even run out of food to cook, every breakfast?” Daehwi asked the oldest in disbelief but still went to eat the pancakes.

“Didn’t I tell you to stop cooking breakfast for him? You know he won’t even bother to eat those, right?” Woong reminded him as the second eldest, and of course, Youngmin didn’t even listen to him, “I know this suggestion will never be easy for you, but if he doesn’t love you anymore, then do yourself a favour and let him go.”

Youngmin, as usual, answered with a smile. Woojin could only shook his head at the older, “C’mon, hyung. Just because his coming home to you every single day, that doesn’t mean his heart is still with you. You are not his home, anymore. Stop hurting yourself and break up with him,” Woojin couldn’t help but to lecture him. Youngmin was too stubborn to listen to his dongsaengs, anyways.

“The hyungs are definitely right. If you are the only one, then what’s the point of being in love?” Daehwi asked him so casually, as if his question didn’t bring any pain to Youngmin, “If you are the only one doing the effort, if you are the only one who’s staying, are you sure that everything is still worth it? If you are the only one holding on, are you sure he is not waiting for you to let him go?”

Youngmin tried to find his strength by holding on to the table but he broke down, right in front of his dongsaengs. He cried his heart out, without any sound at all, and the three could figure that it was the most painful type of cry in the world, “We were the perfect relationship, you know. We didn’t even fight, even with the simplest things. We were never strict with each other. We were close as friends but sweet as lovers. We had it all and we were perfect. And that’s the problem, because we _were._ ”

“We don’t have the right to demand you for anything. We are not in the position and we are not the ones who are in pain right now, but just let yourself lose your grip on him. Because he’s clearly not holding on to you anymore,” Woojin ended the conversation with an advice. The three of them were not sure if Youngmin would even listen to him this time, but they were hoping he would.

Youngmin looked up to the three, and though he’s crying, he still managed to give them an assuring smile, “Letting go while you are still in love with the person is the hardest thing to do. But I guess, one year of being in pain is enough. One year of being in love alone is enough,” That day, Youngmin made the decision he didn’t even think of doing.

\--

“I’m home,” Donghyun came late that night. It was not like it was new to Youngmin, anyways, Donghyun was pretty busy with his work so he didn’t really bother him about it. Donghyun put his shoes on the rack as Youngmin watched him carefully, “Why are you still awake?”

It was the first time that Youngmin was awake that late and Donghyun wasn’t used to it. Youngmin was sitting alone on the couch, fidgeting with their couch pillow, “Just to make sure you’re going home tonight,” He said because he knew. Donghyun didn’t always come home at their shared apartment every night and he would only come home early in the morning to take a bath and change his clothes. Youngmin knew all of it.

“I always go home. What are you saying?” Donghyun laughed it out, as if Youngmin didn’t know a thing about his routine. Donghyun went towards the kitchen and grabbed himself a cup of glass when he noticed the bills pasted on their refrigerator, “It’s the time of the month, huh? Bills are coming one by one. I’ll pay for them tomorrow—“

“—You don’t have to,” Youngmin cut him off, “You don’t have to pay for half of the bills anymore. I’m gonna take care of them myself. Besides, you aren’t gonna stay that long anymore,” He said, standing up from his position.

Donghyun put his glasses down as he faced the older, “What are you saying that I am not staying here anymore? What do you mean?” Donghyun didn’t have any clue what’s going on. For the first time, he couldn’t read what was going on Youngmin’s mind.

“I’m sorry,” Youngmin bowed his head, “I’m sorry…for keeping you for myself. Donghyun, I am sorry…” Youngmin couldn’t even finish his sentence, as he choked on the words he was saying, “I am sorry for being selfish, for wanting you stay here when you obviously wanted to go. Donghyun, I am sorry if it took me a year to realize everything. I’m…”

Youngmin broke in tears and Donghyun was caught off guard. He didn’t know what to do. His heart was aching and he was having some trouble in breathing. He didn’t even imagine they would come at this point, at this point that they were both hurt for hurting each other. Donghyun found himself walking towards him and right after he enveloped the older in a hug, Youngmin cried his heart out.

Donghyun tried to hush him down, telling him everything was fine, that he didn’t have to be sorry for everything, but Youngmin knew he was at fault, “I’m sorry for keeping you away from your happiness. I’m sorry for asking you to come home to me every single day, when I knew that I wasn’t your home anymore.”

They were silent after that. Only silent sobs and heavy breathing was heard from the older and Donghyun just kept him in a tight hug. It was the least thing that he can do for Youngmin, anyways, “I fell out of love. I don’t want to blame you for feeling this way. Rather, I want to blame myself for allowing this to happen. I was happily in love with you, and you know that right?” Donghyun said, “But one day I woke up, then I realized I wasn’t happy seeing you every morning. I realized I wasn’t really a breakfast person. I realized I don’t like pancakes or coffees. I realized this apartment didn’t feel like home anymore. I realized seeing you after a long day at work didn’t even bring ease to my heart. And that’s when I realized, you aren’t the same person anymore. You aren’t my home, anymore. You don’t feel like my home, hyung. And I wasn’t in love with you anymore, like how I used to before.”

“I know,” was all that Youngmin could say. And with Donghyun, crying on his shoulders, he knew he had to let him go. His fingers stroke the younger’s hair, slowly and carefully, “Don’t cry, Donghyun. Don’t be sorry that you fell out of love. Don’t be sorry that you found your home in someone else. I will be alright. Hyung will be alright, okay?”

But you can never be alright, not when you are hurting. But Youngmin will still try, for Donghyun, for himself. Youngmin reached out for Donghyun’s forehead, as the younger envelope his arms around him, Youngmin held his face and kissed him on his favourite part of his lover’s face. With his trembling hands and shivering lips, he softly kissed him on his forehead, like it was his last, “I packed all of your things. Your laptop, your music notebook, your rings and all your eyeglasses are already packed. Remi is placed properly on his case. I packed all of it with care.”

Donghyun glanced at his things outside his room that he didn’t manage to see the moment he walked inside their shared apartment. All of his things were packed neatly and properly and he couldn’t help not to feel a pang inside his chest. After five years of living together, the time has come and he had to leave.

“I texted him. He’ll probably arrive soon,” Youngmin said, removing himself from their hug. After a few seconds, the doorbell rang and the door creaked open. Donghan arrived earlier than Youngmin was expecting. Donghan picked up Donghyun’s stuff without saying a word, because Youngmin already told him about what’s gonna happen that night. Donghyun looked at Youngmin who gave him the sweetest smile he could ever give, “Go now, Donghyun.”

“Hyung—“

“It’s already late, Donghyun,” Youngmin said, trying to keep himself from breaking into tears again, “It’s time for you to go with Donghan. It’s time for you to go home now,” And with that, Donghyun picked up the rest of his stuff and looked at Youngmin for the last time, “ _Go home_ ,” After he said those words, Donghyun turned his back from him and went out from their shared apartment.

Youngmin roamed his eyes around the apartment he used to live with Donghyun for the past five years. It was small, just perfect for the two of them, but somehow it looked bigger now that Donghyun wasn’t there anymore. Donghyun already left, and Youngmin had to go too.

“You are my home, Donghyun. And now that you aren’t here anymore, I feel homesick,” Youngmin said, before he went to pick up his own stuff he had packed earlier that day. With last one look around, he smiled as he turned his back and left the apartment. 

Youngmin had to leave…for him to find his new _home._

**Author's Note:**

> you can message me here [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ongsungwoong) or drop your comment here [Curious Cat](http://curiouscat.me/weewoo_)


End file.
